a fullstop to a Pituitary Adenoma.

Posted in By beoma 8 comments

seminggu lepas operation baru mampu nak menulis. its not that aku functionally disable cuma malas teruk nak menaip plus sedang mencari a good mood to do so.

hence exactly one week ago, at this moment (petang) i was hold at high dependancy unit (HDU) a unit under ICU. pukul 1.30 hari macam tu baru habis operation. i remember opening my eyes dekat area pemulihan, pening pening maybe sebab general anesthesia punya effect was still around. bukak mata nampak muka umi, duduk atas kerusi sebelah katil aku. i mumbled things they said. macam macam jugak aku bertanya dan merapu. tapi badan sangat lemah i cant even feel my body tho, tapi masa tu aku bersyukur sangat my vision is still there. sebab paling takut iatrogenically somethng happened and i lost my vision ke apa.

"umi, mata amar okay" slowly and weakly mumbling.

but i didnt notice any change, masih rasa ada bilateral hemianopia masa tu. its okay la, as long as they manage to take out the tumor.
umi said that mula mula sekali aku cakap

"umi, nak peluk, nak cium" slowly and repeatedly.

yang ni aku tak ingat tapi bila umi cerita balik sumpah sebak. aku tahan. setengah jam aku mumbling tapi tak ingat apa sangat. yang ingat nya bila dorang bawak aku pergi HDU. masa tu rasa okay and sedar sepenuhnya. because i keep talking and looked fully concious, dorang tak jadi nak tahan aku dekat ICU.

dekat HDU, umi and family boleh masuk little sometime je, lunch hour and petang. afiqah and her mother came that evening. first visitors tho. she even wanted to come during operation hours tapi sebab family aku dah ramai so tak berapa jadilah.

my bed paling tepi dekat dengan main door HDU, every time doktor keluar masuk i can actually see umi ada dekat luar, as if menunggu by any chance, even the littlest chance during the few milliseconds pintu bukak tutup, she wanna take a glance at me, right away from the outside. and i would be at my best alert untuk make sure dapat senyum during that little flash of oppurtunity.

that first night was horrible, both sides hidung aku ada packing, nak stop bleeding from wound site. so i need to breathe by mouth and aku actually puasa for 36 hours tanpa any food but pints of waters je, tu pon through my vein. mulut aku ya rabbi kering gila, every half an hour aku kena telan air, and boleh 3 kali telan je or else aku choke. so palate aku tu takyah citer ah da kering macam sahara. pedih gila telan air liur. sekali tu aku tertidor for like 3 hours bangun bangun rasa choking rasa kering nak mati sebab all that time aku bernafas by mouth. dapat telan air rasa nikmat ya rabbi.

day 2 post op aku dah pindah masuk wad biasa. sebab sodium aku normal and seems like takde that transient diabetic insipidus punya effect. masa tu umi bersyukur sangat sebab dapat jenguk aku any time she wanted. bukan macam dalam HDU which is umi cuti whole day but managed to meet me only for 2 hours. less than that sometime. that wednesday morning abah cuti untuk jaga aku dekat ward. there was time abah tertidor dekat katil bersangkutkan dagu je. he didnt even get enough sleep for the two weeks. my whole family was, umi abah and abang aku. almost every night even waktu aku pre op yang segar pon they wont let me be alone at the ward. nak nak post op.

pagi rabu tu they strip out cbd aku (continuos bladder drainage). fine painful. later then, nak amik darah aku, i was being cool dah bila bab nak poke poke vein aku ni sebab banyak kali sangat dah, but that morning, all my veins had collapsed. so dorang tak dapat nak cari good vein so finally they poked my femoral vein, that time aku cuak sangat abah had to hug me. the same way he did hug me when doctor poked my anu during nak bersunat 12 years ago haha.
poke poke okay lagi, an hour later neurosurgeon aku datang cabut packing kat hidung. packing ni dia macam layers of kain mampat2 dia sumbat dalam hidung ketat ketat. mula mula cabut tu belah kiri, packing tu adalah sebesar and sepanjang jari tengah. srupppp! dia tarik. masa tu jugak air mata aku merecik kaki aku terangkat angkat.        sakit    gila.   . menangehhhh aku.
dia da cakap it would be painful, so dorang cakap get ready for another side. this one side, the right side is the real packing sebab wound tu ada situ.

srupppp !

day 3 post op dah boleh keluar ward ! jalan terhuyung hayang ikut abang aku (parent aku kerja sebab banyak sangat dah ambil cuti) pergi daftar keluar and pergi ambil ubat.  pening tu ada lagi aku boleh rasa aku jalan senget gila. for those who might be curious. dekat taksiran tu kami bayar rm500 je, rm300 from it is for CT scan post op. lagi rm200 tu macam small small buildup dari gauze, syringes and what not. aku pon tak tahu the transphenoidal surgery tu cost dia berapa, tanya akak stafff tu dia cakap mmg tu je payment dia, dah takde susulan bayaran lain dah. supposed be like rm10k or something. tengoklah camne nanti.
balik tu drive thru tibai mcflurry and apple pie, tak berani makan lebih lebih tapi it feels heaven already.

day 6 surgery, aku ikut umi masuk dusun nak pergi ambil buah rambutan and langsat. prior to surgery hampir dua tahun, aku memang tak berapa suka masuk semak atau hutan camtu sebab depth judgement aku mmg teruk and affected, aku tak dapat bezakan mana ranting/daun duk depan atau belakang. 3D perception aku memang fail sebab bilateral temporal hemianopia ni. so aku kena alert and cautios gila. plus, aku tak nak tgk view luas luas macam dalam hutan sebab focus point aku kecik je. aku dapat tengok dengan clear a very little and small area je. so aku tak dapat nak hargai sepenuhnya the view.
tapi this time aku ikut jela umi, as i said masa keluar surgery tu vision aku tak improve sangat kan so aku macam tak try nak assess sangat masa dekat rumah meanwhile. tapi bila masuk dusun tu aku perasan the view is very clear. aku cuba tutup mata kanan aku tengok pakai mata kiri, alhamdulillah memang clear sangat. and i can actually enjoy the sight in the jungle dengan penuh nikmat sebab focus point aku actually dah widen up. sebelum ni dalam 5 hari lepas surgery aku duk bilik je so tak perasan.
balik tu aku terus test mata kiri aku baca small notes. alhamdulillah. boleh baca dengan lancar dah tak macam dulu memang mata kiri aku tak boleh guna sangat.

alhamdulillah sangat, and tadi aku cuba drive. wow ! memang kali ni penuh yakin dah. sebelum ni selalu ter miss signal kereta depan and banyak kali dah nak accident.

bonus dari Allah, the tumor did gone and He gave me back my sight. alhamdulillah. kena jaga elok elok lah kan. haha



saja nak belanja gambar sebelum surgery. aku ambil gambar ni nak buat dp masa nak join group tumor patient, masa tu saja nak cari geng pituitary bermasalah lalalalala

one day sebelum surgery with my sassy sis.one strong backbone. one idol. walaupon she can easily drool her tears out every single time ada masalah keluarga, depan depan she wont look like one. spend quite sometime teman aku follow up and walaupon baru je pergi KL she quickly return home for the surgery. she left to KL when i was in HDU but thanks for the great deed sis.


called for surgery

this time masa aku ditolak masuk ke dalam bilik surgery, adam, adik aku paling kecik, ran away masa ni so abang aku cepat cepat kejar and found him dekat one penjuru lobi tu menangis tepi dinding.
later then masa surgery abang aku bawak dia pergi makan and asked him kenapa dia nangis. he then slowly answered yang dia sedih nampak aku ditolak masuk macam tu. a brief of silence then abang aku perasan dropping tears atas meja makan tu, though he keeps spooning himself foods.
pipi basah.


ni dekat HDU, umi masuk suapkan nasi air and kasi aku gigit tisu basah tu wet my lips. umi told me that these times i acted the same way back when i was little. "umi nak air, umi nak makan" hahaha masa ni lah nak manja manja camtu dengan mak kannnn

this is my brother, yang dulu paling celaka and now one guy aku paling bangga selapas abah. how can you be so nice bro. hopefully dia tak baca la blog ni. 
geli siot.

dah okay cikitttttt hahaha bengkak siot muka

and im out ! 
abang aku paksa aku posing ni hareyyy


and bad came from farrrrr 
(padahal datang merisik awek, then singgah rumah aku, keji!)

though aku berterima kasih sangat for the blessful wishes yang aku nonstoppingly dapat before and through out the surgery eventho kakak aku yang handle phone aku that time. asked her to reply all the messages and quickly update few people pasal the surgery if it worked out succesfully in which alhamdulillah it is. tho i feel so blessful with all these great friends and teachers and beloveeeddd friendsss again.

and my family, one i wont make it out without. no words can describe how grateful i am

and Allah ya rabbi. ini semua aturan Dia.
untuk kita.
untuk kita sedar mana letaknya kita. cuma hamba yang meminta. yang di curah curah nikmat tapi masih bermuram durja. astaghfirullahalzim

subhanallah wa alhamdulillahirabbilalamin

p/s : jangan kecam aku ibarat pak ostaz ya.

p/s : and my special babies, radin, cant wait for this november !!!!! (umi yang sebenarnya paling cant wait hahaha) and kamil i miss ur hug tho seriously. please miraculously muncul dekat kelantan ! hahahahha

p/s : and burg, thanks for being with me since aku dapat bilateral temporal hemianopia, thanks for not letting me drive, we would die seriously tho kat KL tu kalau aku drive. and thanks for calming me and motivating me with whatever kind of words u might had used. kau lah sahabat jilake aku, sahabat sampai mati aku, sahabat ke syurga aku.

the fat ass wont read it but i still want to state it out here ! >.<


alhamdulillah 
amin.



#dontrecur !