that negativity

Posted in By beoma 0 comments

i stare to the screen of my acer.
rain drops.
dim lighted room.
it was a heavy rain. deceasing. stopping.
im in an act. to be damned cool. oh Allah how i keep forgetting.
that i am your Hamba and youre my God. How i keep forgetting who i am.
how i keep forgetting about you. to put any love i ever have only to you.
but i wasted them to creatures that shouldnt belong to any of the places in my heart.

maybe thats the point and roots of all this things. feeling too lost because im losing you. myself.
i stare to the hills, the beauty and calm are so perfect.
a reverse to mine. a contradicting.
i have no perfect things i can proud of. or at least that can please.
comparing ? no. yet it was.
and it is.
i shouldnt be hating myself this much. who else shall be blamed, being a typical weak creature.
no i is myself afterall.

that ugly stupid knowledge-less stinky jahil loser and of all. hated in silence.

i do not deserve anyone yet i dreamt of. haha.
this is funny and embarassing. how the hell i ever dream of having one.
im sorry ammar. wake up !